The Hobbit- Facebook Version
by SeverusSnapeFanGirl
Summary: For school I was made to do a facebook version of the book I was reading, The hobbit. This is mainly a crackfick.
1. Chapter 1

_Bilbo Baggins_ has joined Facebook.

**Bilbo Baggins: **Smoking my pipe after a nice breaktfast.

_Gandalf the Grey_ has joined facebook.

**Gandalf the Grey **_**&**_** Bilbo Baggins** are now friends.

**Gandalf the Grey: **At Bilbo Baggins'

**Bilbo Baggins: **_Likes this_

**Bilbo Baggins: **Good Morning!

**Gandalf the Grey**: What do you mean? Do you wish me a good morning, or mean that it is a good morning whether I want it or that you feel good this morning; or that it is a morning to be good on?

**Bilbo Baggins: **All of them at once!

**Bilbo Baggins **_**to **_**Gandalf the Grey: **Do you have a pipe, would you like to smoke for a while?

**Gandalf the Grey:** I am looking for someone to go on an adventure, but it is quiet hard to find someone in these parts to go.

**Bilbo Baggins: **I should think so; we are simple people with no need to go

on an adventure.

**Bilbo Baggins **_**to **_**Gandalf the Grey:** Good morning! We don't want any adventures here, thank you! Try somewhere else!

**Gandalf the Grey: **You use good morning for a great many things! Now you mean to get rid of me!

**Bilbo Baggins:** No, no my good sir!

**Bilbo Baggins **_**to **_**Gandalf the Grey**: Who are you?

**Gandalf the Grey **_Likes this._

**Gandalf the Grey**: I am Gandalf the Grey. :D

**Bilbo Baggins** : Bless me, not the fellow who sent many a Took off on adventures and who gave Old Took many fireworks, which were splendid!

I had no idea you were still in business…

**Gandalf the Grey **_Likes this_

**Gandalf the Grey **_**to**_**Bilbo Baggins:** Then I shall give you what you asked for.

**Bilbo Baggins: **But I haven't asked for anything!

**Gandalf the Grey: **Yes you have. I will go so far as to send you on an

` adventure.

**Bilbo Baggins**: I don't want any adventures.

**Bilbo Baggins **_**to **_**Gandalf the Grey: **Why don't you come to tea tomorrow? Good-bye!

**Gandalf the Grey: **Is offline

**Bilbo Baggins**: I'm going crazy.

**Bilbo Baggins: **Is offline.

**Bilbo Baggins:** Is online

**Bilbo Baggins: **Having Tea

**Dwalin the Dwarf** has joined Facebook

**Dwalin the Dwarf **_**to **_**Bilbo Baggins:** Dwalin at your service.

**Bilbo Baggins: **O.o Ok, I was about to have tea, would you care to join me?

**Dwalin the Dwarf**: Yes.

**Dwalin the Dwarf: **Having tea at Bilbo Baggins.

**Balin the Dwarf** has joined Facebook.

**Balin the Dwarf **_**to **_**Bilbo Baggins**: Balin, at your service.

**Dwalin the Dwarf**_ Likes this_

**Bilbo Baggins: **Thank You…..? Please come in, I was just having tea.

**Balin the Dwarf:** Beer please.

**Fili the Dwarf** has joined Facebook

**Kili the Dwarf** has joined Facebook.

**Fili the Dwarf & Kili the Dwarf **_**to **_**Bilbo Baggins: **Fili and Kili at your service. :O

**Dwalin the Dwarf and 3 others**__like this

**Fili the Dwarf: **I see Dwalin and Balin are already here.

**Kili the Dwarf: **Let us join the throng!

**Bilbo Baggins: **I don't like the sound of that.

**Bilbo Baggins: **I have many dwarves in my hobbit hole. Making tea for everyone, but me.

**Fili the Dwarf and 4 others **_like this_

**Dori the Dwarf **has joined Facebook

**Nori the Dwarf **has joined Facebook

**Ori the Dwarf **has joined Facebook

**Oin the Dwarf **has joined Facebook

**Gloin the Dwarf **has joined Facebook

**Dori the Dwarf **_**to **_**Bilbo Baggins: **Dori at your service.

**Nori the Dwarf: **Nori at your service.

**Ori the Dwarf:** Ori at your service.

**Oin the Dwarf: **Oin at your service.

**Gloin the Dwarf:** Gloin at your service.

**Bilbo Baggins: **

**Bilbo Baggins: ** Running low on ale, beer, tea and cakes.

**Dori the Dwarf:** More ale! :D

**Dwalin the Drawf and 6 others **_like this_

**Kili the Dwarf: **Could I have another delightful cake please?

**Fili the Dwarf and 8 others **_like this_

**Bilbo Baggins**: Coming, coming.

**Gloin the Dwarf and 8 others **_like this_

**Bifur the Dwarf **has joined Facebook

**Bofur the Dwarf **has joined Facebook

**Bombur the Dwarf **has joined Facebook

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf **has joined Facebook

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf **_**to **_**Bilbo Baggins**: Thorin at your service.

**Oin the Dwarf and 12 others**_ like this_

**Bifur the Dwarf: **Bifur at your service.

** Bofur the Dwarf: **Bofur at your service.

** Bombur the Dwarf:** Bombur at your service.

**Gandalf the Grey:** Quite a merry gathering! I hope there is something to eat and drink for the late-comers.

** Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf and 13 others **_like this_

**Bilbo Baggins: **Tea?

**Gandalf the Grey:** No thank you, red wine for me I think.

** Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf **_likes this_

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf: **For me too.

**Bifur the Dwarf:** Rasberryjam and apple-tart.

**Bofur the Dwarf: **Mince pies and cheese.

**Bombur the Dwarf: **Pork-pie and salad.

**Fili the Dwarf: **more cakes, coffee and ale. :D

** Nori the Dwarf and 13 others **_like this_

**Gandalf the Grey:** Bilbo, put on some eggs, pickles and bring the chicken out.

**Bilbo Baggins: **Alright, alright, hold your horses!

**Bilbo Baggins**: Why don't they come and help me, this is a lot of food and a lot of money.

**Balin the Dwarf and 3 others**_ like this_

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf: **Got my feet up in front of a fire while smoking my pipe.

**Oin the Dwarf and 14 others **_like this_

**Gandalf the Grey created a group: Expedition to the Mountains**

**Gandalf the Grey added Bilbo Baggins and 13 others to Expedition to the Mountains**

**Gandalf the Grey is now friends with Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf and 12 others**

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf posted in Expedition to the Mountains: **We are here to discuss plans of our journey.

**Gandalf they Grey and 12 others **_like this_

**Bilbo Baggins: **Journey?

**Gandalf they Grey: **Yes journey. Bilbo shall be your Burglar.

**Bilbo Baggins: **WHAT! I am not going on any blasted journey.

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf and 12 others **_like this_

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf:** Him?

**Gandalf the Grey:** Yes, and that is the end of it. We should all turn in for the night, we have a long journey ahead and will need plenty rest.

Good night.

**Gandalf the Grey has logged out**

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf has logged out**

**Fili the Dwarf has logged out**

**Kili the Dwarf has logged out**

**Bombur the Dwarf has logged out**

**Oin the Dwarf has logged out**

**Gloin the Dwarf has logged out**

**Bofur the Dwarf has logged out**

**Dwalin the Dwarf has logged out**

**Balin the Dwarf has logged out**

**Bifur the Dwarf has logged out**

**Nori the Dwarf has logged out**

**Ori the Dwarf has logged out**

**Dori the Dwarf has logged out**

**Bilbo Baggins:** My poor hobbit hole. So tired.

**Bilbo Baggins has logged out**

**Gandalf the Grey has logged on**

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf has logged on**

**Fili the Dwarf has logged on**

**Kili the Dwarf has logged on**

**Bombur the Dwarf has logged on**

**Oin the Dwarf has logged on**

**Gloin the Dwarf has logged on**

**Bofur the Dwarf has logged on**

**Dwalin the Dwarf has logged on**

**Balin the Dwarf has logged on**

**Bifur the Dwarf has logged on**

**Nori the Dwarf has logged on**

**Ori the Dwarf has logged on**

**Dori the Dwarf has logged on**

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf **_**to **_**Bilbo Baggins: **Didn't want to wake you up. We leave at 11am. Meet us at _The Green Dragon Inn._

**Bilbo Baggins has logged on.**

**Bilbo Baggins: **I found Thorin's note, got 10 minutes to run to _The Green Dragon Inn._

**Gandalf the Grey **_liked this_

**Gandalf the Grey: **Hurry Bilbo.

**Bilbo Baggins posted on **_The Green Dragon Inn's_ page: I'm here!

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf and 13 others** _like this_

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf:** Then off we go.

**Bifur the Dwarf and 12 others **_like this_

**Bilbo Baggins is friends with Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf and 12 others**


	2. Chapter 2

**William the Troll has joined Facebook**

**Bert the Troll has joined Facebook**

**Tom the Troll has joined Facebook**

**William the Troll: **Found some food.

**Bert the Troll & Tom the Troll **_like this_

**Bilbo Baggins:** I can cook better than I cook!

**Blibo Baggins:** Trolls fighting is something I want no part of.

**Balin the Dwarf: **I think I'm in a sack, one that smells like old cabbage...

**Balin the Dwarf has created the group, In a Sack that Smells Like Cabbage**

**Balin the Dwarf added Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf and 12 others to - In a Sack that Smells Like Cabbage**

**Balin the Dwarf posted in - In a Sack that Smells Like Cabbage: **Let me out, whoever is biting something...the thing you are attempting to bite is my foot!

**Bombur the Dwarf:** Sorry?

** Balin the Dwarf: **Keep at it, I'll roast you alive. -.-

**Gandalf the Grey:** I'm trolling trolls.

**William the Troll: **Oh no, the sun! 

** Bert the Troll: **Turned into stone. Sucks.

** Tom the Troll: **Cool, we're bird perches... x.x

**Bilbo Baggins: ** The sun is up! We're saved. :P

**Bilbo Baggins: **Got an epic sword from the troll's cave.

**Gandalf the Grey posted in - Expedition to the Mountains: **We're off to_Rivendell's page._

**Bilbo Baggins and 13 others **_liked this_

**Bilbo Baggins: **We're going to see the elves?

** Gandalf the Grey:** Yes.

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf: **I hate elves.

**Bofur the Dwarf and 11 others **_liked this_

**Lord Elrond of Rivendell the Elf **has joined Facebook

**Gandalf the Grey posted on **_Rivendell's page: _Greetings Lord Elrond.

** Lord Elrond of Rivendell the Elf **_likes this_

**Lord Elrond of Rivendell the Elf: **Welcome.

**Bilbo Baggins: **I met an elf! :o

**Bilbo Baggins is now friends with Lord Elrond of Rivendell the Elf**


	3. Chapter 3

Part 3-Facebook

**Great Goblin has joined Facebook**

**Goblin Army has joined Facebook**

**Bilbo Baggins:** It's raining, it's pouring, and the old man is snoring. Gandalf stop snoring, I'm trying to sleep. Close your eyes too, it's creepy.

** Gloin the Dwarf and 13 others **_like this_

**Gandalf the Grey: **I don't snore, I sing :D Your just jelly I can sleep with my eyes open.

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf:** No, it's creepy.

**Goblin Army: **Boo!

**Goblin Army posted on** _The Goblin Empire's page:_ Caught some things in our caves.

**Great Goblin and 4,000 others **_like this_

**Great Goblin: **Good job, let's eat them.

**Goblin Army and 3,777 others **_like this_

**Gandalf the Grey posted in - Expedition to the Mountains**: Follow me out dwarves and hobbit!

**Bilbo Baggins and 14 others **_like this_

**Great Goblin **_**to**_** Goblin Army:** Find them!

**Goblin Army: **We'll kill 'em all.

**Bilbo Baggins:** Trampled by goblins. I have no idea where I am and which way is out. Oh cool, I found a ring :D let me just slip it in my pocket.

**Gollum Loves Precious has joined Facebook**

**Gollum Loves Precious invited Bilbo Baggins to play _Riddles_**

**Bilbo Baggins wins: _Riddles_**

**Gollum Loves Precious: **MY PRECIOUS IS GONE! Filthy nasty Hobbitses!

**Bilbo Baggins: **Yes! I'm out of the mountain!

**Bilbo Baggins: **I seem to have got right to the other side of the Misty Mountains, right to the edge of the Land Beyond! Where and O where can Gandalf and the dwarves have got to? I only hope to goodness they are not still back there in the power of the goblins!

**Gandalf the Grey posted in - Expedition to the Mountains**: Lost the Burglar, we must get him. Why did you drop him Dori?

**Dori the Dwarf**: Goblins were attacking me. Couldn't have been a good

burglar if he got caught.

**Bilbo Baggins:** And here is the burglar

** Gandalf the Grey and 13 others **_like this_

**Gandalf the Grey: **Balin get down here, a very poor watcher if someone got by you.

**Balin the Dwarf:** Nothing ever gets by me. T~T

**Bilbo Baggins changed their name- they are now Bilbo "The Burglar" Baggins**

**The Wargs joined Facebook**

**Bilbo "The Burglar" Baggins posted in Expedition to the Mountains: **What should we do, wolves are after us.

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf and 13 others **_like this_

**Gandalf the Grey: **Climb Trees.

**Bilbo "The Burglar" Baggins: **Great, I escape Gollum and goblins only to get eaten by wolves.

**Thorin Oakenshield the Dwarf and 13 others **_like this_

**Lord of the Eagles has joined Facebook**

**Eagle Kingdom has joined Facebook**

**Lord of the Eagles **_**to **_**Gandalf the Grey: **Why are the Wargs and goblins making so much noise!

**Eagle Kingdom **_likes this_

**Gandalf the Grey**: They are trying to kill us, will you help.

**Lord of the Eagles: **Why not, sure grabs the humans.

**Bilbo "The Burglar" Baggins**** and 14 others **_like this_

**The Wargs**: Our food.

**The Lord of the Eagles is now friends with Gandalf the Grey and 14 others**

**Eagle Kingdom is now friends with Gandalf the Grey and 14 others**


	4. Chapter 4

Part 4

**Bilbo "The Burglar" Baggins: **Flying on an eagle**, **I miss my hobbit-hole.

**Bilbo "The Burglar" Baggins: **At Mirkwood forest.

**Gandalf the Grey posted in **Expedition to the Mountains: Mirkwood forest, this is where I leave you all.

**Bombur the Dwarf: **Do you have to leave?

**Bilbo "The Burglar" Baggins and 13 others **_like this_

**Gandalf the Grey**: I came much farther with you l then I planned to.

**Gandalf the Grey **_**to **_**Bilbo Baggins: **Take care of them.

**Bilbo "The Burglar" Baggins: **I will.

**Bobur the Dwarf:** Woke up from my nap.

**The Giant Spiders are Coming has joined Facebook**

**Bilbo "The Burglar" Baggins: **Fighting giant spiders to save the dwarves.

**The Giant Spiders are Coming: **Come out come out wherever you are…

** Bilbo "The Burglar" Baggins: **Come and find me. o.O

a Our Burglar has saved us!

_ **Oin the Dwarf and 11 others** like this_

**Bilbo "The Burglar" Baggins: **Saving dwarfs from elves.

_ Orin the Dwarf and 11 others like this_


End file.
